Before we get started, I'd like to tell everyone why I'm awesome. For Night Of Champions, I was 7 for 8, missing ONLY the 6 Pack US title challenge. I'd brag more, but there's a fair amount to get to tonight!

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the spectacle that is...

THE FIST LAYS THE SMACKDOWN!

I am the woman of your dreams, Madam Snapshot. Let's get this party started, shall we? We start with a video montage of the final moments of Night Of Champions. (You can see the whole report with my intrepid cohort Johnny Blaze) Apparently, Jeff Hardy won. Who'da thunk it. Oh, that's right, me.

Jeff comes down to ringside to be his charismatic... something. Once his "I just won an Oscar" speech was over, he decides to trump up his match with Morrison. He claims it to be the greatest main event inSmackDown history. We'll see about that.

MATCH #1

CRYME TYME VS. THE HART DYNASTY

This match is for the #1 contender shot for the Unified Tag Titles atSummerSlam. Now, if this wasn't a match I've seen every week for the past month, I might be impressed by this match. They basically work on Shad's leg for about 4 minutes and then...

COMMERCIAL BREAK! Hi kids, have you ever considered adopting an animal from a shelter? It's a good idea. Unless you're Michael Vick. Then I ask that you die, starving, in a fire.

We come back to see Shad getting pulled away from JTG, who wants a tag. More leg work for another couple minutes. Hot tag to JTG, as gets a two count from a high risk move. Kidd takes over, but JTG recovers and gets a near fall, when Smith comes in for the save. Then Shad and Smith battle outside, giving JTG the chance to land a Shout Out unopposed.

WINNER - CRYME TYME

Match Rating - 5/10

Not a BAD tag match, but it's one I've seen FAR too much.

As Cryme Tyme celebrates, Jericho and The Big Show decide this is a great time to let them know they have no chance. Jericho and the Show let them know "You're just scrubs, and we've got an unbelievable amount of gold between us? What are you gonna do"Cryme Tyme responds with "It's nice that you go punked by a basketball player, ladies. We've got it." Oh, and a couple wookie jokes too.

MATCH #2

MICHELLE McCOOL & LAYLA VS. EVE TORRES & MELINA

Ooh, look a SECOND tag match and it's the Diva's... How... great.Melina counters the Faithbreaker with a flipping powerbomb for apinfall.

WINNERS - MELINA & EVE TORRES

Match Rating - 4/10

One worthwhile move at the end. Beyond that, as always, it was just screaming and hair.

CM Punk gets a little interview time to say he's a sad and lonely man with no friends and other effeminate things. Oh, and he thinks he'sgonna win next week against the winner of tonight main event. Wonderful.

MATCH #3

DOLPH ZIGGLER & JOBBER MIKE KNOX VS. FINLAY & REY MYSTERIO

Wow, three matches, and all of them are tag matches? Count me as a satisfied and sarcastic fan! Dolph and Rey start the match, with Reykeeping the offense until Knox tags in and flattens Rey with acrossbody. Rey fights back and misses the 619 as Knox gets out of the way of that, only to get INTO the way of an Inzugiri. Finlay gets a tag, and begins working on Knox. Finlay lands a forward rolling Samoan Drop on Knox for a two count. Finlay for to the ropes, and Knoxjumpkicks Finlay in the face. This injures Finlay's leg, which means now we have Dolph and Knox do some more leg work, while keeping him away from Rey. 7 minutes of leg holds and near tags. Zigglereventually gets tired of this and tossed Finlay to the corner, and misses a jumping Elbow drop splash, and Finlay crawls over to Rey for the tag. Rey does a drop toe hold, 619 on Ziggler. Before his splash though, he dropkicks Knox off the side of the ring, and goes for thecrossbody. Knox makes the save and tosses Rey out of the ring. Finlaycomes in a clotheslines Knox out of the ring. Ziggler goes for theZigZag, but Rey uses a Diva finisher and wins with a rollup. Just to be clear though, Ziggler could have taken a deep breath and got a rope break called, or they just want to give more power to the roll up. Who knows?

WINNERS - REY MYSTERIO & FINLAY

Match Rating - 5/10

Come on. ANOTHER tag match? Nothing all that impressive here really, except that Knox still works for the WWE somehow.

John Morrison gets his interview. It's a stunning display of verbal skills as all of this words combine to make "Me win tonight! Great match incoming!" I guess it serves it's purpose, but I wish there could have been more.

MATCH #4

JOBBER #2 CHARLIE HAAS VS. THE GREAT KHALI

Oh look, Khali is the first singles match of the night. Without watching it, let me tell you how it goes. Jobber hits a few times, and the Khalihits him with his hand and then, just as he's about to finish the match, Kane will sneak in and end the match in a DQ. *watches the match* Well, it didn't end in a DQ, and Khali's translator was used as a shield for all of 5 seconds before Kane just ran away.

WINNER - Clearly not the fans

Match Rating - The Diva's did better.

I don't know if the WWE ever wants Kane to be taken seriously again. If not, they should keep doing what they're doing. Also, Khali needs to learn how to actually wrestle. Two moves that aren't chops of some sort do not good wrestling make.

The Raw recap can be seen on another article. I won't even mention it's name, as doing so gives it power. But seriously, if you care about Raw any, you should check it out there.

MATCH #5 for the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

JOHN MORRISON VS. JEFF HARDY (c)

The match begins with a good back and forth from shoulder blocks to trading holds. When Morrison gets one of his kicks caught by Hardy, it looks like it could go bad. Jeff throw the leg down, and Morrison uses the force to flip his other leg into an overhead flipping kick. Awesome looking move, and it earned a 2 count. Jeff fires back with a pair of forearm takedowns, and an inverted atomic drop. Jeff goes for his double leg drop to the midsection, but Morrison counters by pushing both of Jeff's legs up while he's in mid-air. Morrison uses this opportunity to catapault Jeff out of the ring. Morrison sets himself up for his spinning suicide dive, but as he see Jeff try to swerve out of the way, Morrison lands safely on the ring apron, and chooses to kick Hardy in the head. This dazes him enough for Morrison to land a springboard moonsault onto Jeff outside the ring.

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We come back to see Morrison holding Hardy in a head lock. Jeff powers out and goes for a Twist Of Fate. Morrison counters into a flipped pin for another 2 count. Morrison rolls to the apron, as Jeff heads to fight back. Morrison grabs Jeff's head and drops to the floor, catching him with the top rope. Morrison goes for the Starship Pain, and lands on his feet as Hardy rolls out from under his bad spot. Jeff lands a Whisper In The Wind, and gets a 2 count. Hardy lands a leg drop from the second rope for another 2 count. Morrison gets an inverted backbreaker, and follows it up with a side Russian leg sweep, and then follows it up with an AWESOME Backflipping StandingMoonsault. Oh man, that was freaking sweet. Oh, and a 2 count. Morrison gers a swinging neckbreaker, and gets another 2 count. Morrison and Jeff collide in the corner, and both fight to get to the top of the turnbuckle. Both men punch each other and fall to the floor outside the ring

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We return with both Jeff and Morrison exchanging blows. Jeff lands a double leg drop to Morrison's midsection, and follows it up with a dropkick to Morrison's head. Jeff gets a 2 count. Morrison rolls to the apron, and slowly gets to his feet. Jeff shoulder bashes Morrison to the midsection and tries a sunset flip to the outside of the ring, but Morrison holds onto the ropes, and counters with a knee drop to Jeff's face. Morrison tries running Jeff into the security barrier, but Jeff counters. Jeff pulls out the stairs and runs, jumping off of it, landing with a flying leg drop into Morrison. Jeff pulls Morrison back into the ring, tries for a Twist Of Fate, but Morrison pushes Hardy to the corner. He uses that momentum to try a Whisper In The Wind, but Morrison gets out of the way. Morrison lands one of the wicked running knees to the face on Jeff and gets another 2 count. Morrison lands a few drop kicks, and gets another 2 count. Morrison gets reversed as he tries to whip Jeff into the corner. Jeff tries for a dropkick, but Morrison counters by knocking Jeff onto the ropes. Morrison then runs up the turnbuckle for a sprinboard inzugiri to Jeff's face. Another 2 count. Hardy counters a DDT for a facebuster. Jeff hits a Swanton Bomb, and Morrison kicks out at 2. Morrison pulls himself to the corner, and counters Jeff trying another dropkick by pushing him clear across the ring. Morrison tries for another Starship Pain, but Hardy blocks by throwing up his knees. Jeff lands a Twist Of Fate and another Swanton Bomb for the pin.

WINNER - JEFF HARDY

Match Rating - 9/10

Just an awesome match to watch. I don't even know if my recap did it justice. But seriously, it was freaking sweet.

As Jeff stands in celebration, CM PUNK makes his way into the ring. He raises Jeff's hand in victory into the air, and begins to congratulate Jeff. And then, just as Punk is about to begin talking, he attacks Jeff! A couple tosses out of the ring and into security barricades later, Punk thinks he's done. Then he reconsiders and comes back to deal more damage. He finishes Jeff off by throwing him over the announcer's table. As he walks back up the ramp with a smug look on his face, he finds another microphone. "Everyone watch SmackDown next week! That's when I become a winner again! Yay me!"

SHOW RATING - 5/10

The last match was AWESOME, but everything else in this show made me want to puke. Twice.

That's it for me everyone! I'll see you all next week, when I suspect Morrison will come to save Jeff during the main event!