Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to the spectacle of the week. The grandest battle that takes place on Friday nights that I happen to report on! Welcome to...

THE FIST LAST THE SMACKDOWN!!!

As always I am your gracious and benevolent host, Madam Snapshot. Let's start things off with a bit of a montage, shall we?

Last week (as seen in my article!) we saw Jeff Hardy and Rey Mysterio face off against Dolph Ziggler and Chris Jericho. At the end Jeff "might" have tossed a dazed Jericho at then commentator and Heavyweight Champion CM Punk on "purpose". In retaliation, CM Punk "might" have tossed Jericho back into Jeff "on purpose." Then the best part! Jericho flattens Hardy for like 4 minutes straight as Punk walks away all despondent like he was doing the end credits to The Incredible Hulk TV series.

Jeff Hardy comes to the ring as asks for a microphone. During his diatribe (that's a rant by the way), he called himself "Charismatic Enigma" despite the fact that the announcers took extra care to call him the 'Extreme Enigma'. Never mind that nitpicking... "I'm gonna be a champ everyone! Just you wait! Someday.. I mean Sunday! Wait, I'm fighting Jericho tonight? He made me sad last week. I'm gonna steal his juice box when we get backstage after I lo-... win this match! Yay me!"

MATCH #1

JEFF HARDY VS. CHRIS JERICHO

Hardy starts off with a series of attacks, that leads to the outside and a couple smashes into the barricades. They both re-enter the ring, and after a few irish whips, Hardy lands a headscissor takedown, and clotheslines Jericho out of the ring again. Jeff tries for a dropkick through the ropes, but Jericho catches him and throws him to the unforgiving floor.

Commercial break! Do you like your drinks cold, but you hate messing with ice? Invite me to your parties! My cold demeanor will chill everything in the room. Side effects include gruesome mutilation to you and your guests. Please use Madam Snapshot responsibly.

We come back to action with Jericho taking Jeff to the mat with a neckbreaker. Two minutes of rest hold by Jericho, until Jeff powers out and tries a running crossbody for a 2 count. Jericho lands a runninginzugiri, and gets a two count as well. Jericho mocks Jeff (as he should), Jeff fails to counter after Chris dodges a stinger splash. Jericho puts Hardy on the bottom rope and rocket launches him into the second rope. Then, another rest hold. I wonder if they know that these tend not to work... Jeff powers out, lands a few running clotheslines, double leg drop to the groin, and a dropkick to the face for a two count. Jeff goes for the Swanton bomb but Jericho rolls out of the way. Jericho lands a Lionsault for a two count. Jericho goes not for one Walls of Jericho, but TWO. Both are countered. Jeff knocks Jericho to the corner, and does a running dropkick that, *gasp* gets countered into The Walls of Jericho. Hardy, of course, grabs the rope. Jericho tries to rocket launch Hardy into the turnbuckle, but Hardy lands on the second rope, climbs up, and nails a Whisper In The Wind for a 2 count. Jeff tries for a Twist of Fate, but it gets countered into a Codebreaker that... apparently launches Jeff Hardy out of the ring. Jericho pushes Jeff back into the ring after quite a struggle, and gets a two count. Hardy lands a ToF out of nowhere, and goes for the Swanton again. Jericho rings Jeff's bell by pulling on the ropes. Jericho goes to capitalize, but Hardy gets the edge, knocks Jericho down, lands the Swanton, and wins the match.

WINNER - JEFF HARDY

Match Rating 8/10

I really enjoy seeing Jericho at work, and despite the outcome, I like seeing Hardy get his head kicked in. Great opening match.

Something about the women's championship... "I'm a legendary girl in the WWE! Oh no! Make-up in my face!" Not a single chair shot, so I kinda zoned out watching it.

MATCH #2

THE GREAT KHALI VS. JOBBER MIKE KNOX

Khali lands a few hits before Kane chooses to show up. Knox takes the advantage and tries to attack Khali, but he simply can't sell it. Kane stands on the ramp all spooky-like and Khali nails his Punjabi Plunge for the win.

WINNER - THE GREAT KHALI

Match Rating - Hahahaha No.

6 Attacks landed... Reminds me of one of those Raw superstars with a pair of jean shorts...

Khali taunts Kane a whole bunch, and Kane even walks down to the ring before turning into The Big Yellow Machine and backing off. Way to make Kane into a coward, WWE.

It's time for Word Up. I personally don't really care for this, so before watching it, I wrote the following. "Cryme Tyme mocks The Hart Dynasty, Jesse tries to fit in, can't because he's a loser, and gets rejected." It seems I was only a little off, but not by much. Also, the word was GOAT, meaning "Greatest Of All Time".

MATCH #3

DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/Maria) VS. FINLAY

Great, someone with a creepy love affair with a dye-job vs. Mr. Armbar. I'm sure to be impressed with this match. Dolph catches Finlay and works his arm a bunch. Finlay fires back, and Dolph does more arm work. Finlay sets up Celtic Cross, but Ziggler grabs the rops and gets tossed to the outside. Finlay goes on the offense, but sees Maria tending to Ziggler. Finlay, being a gentleman (HA!) tries to go back into the ring, but Ziggler pulls him down and lands his face grabbing jumping slam thing. They REALLY need to give it a name. Wait... theZig Zag? Really? *shrug* Ziggler rolls into the ring as the ref counts to 10.

WINNER - DOLPH ZIGGLER via count out

Match Rating - 5/10

Give it more than 5 minutes, and put something IN this match, and it could have been something.

CM Punk arrives at ringside to tell everyone that "Drugs are bad, and Jeff Hardy did drugs, so that means Jeff Hardy is bad. " Jeff Hardy clearly has to defend himself. He comes out out, only to be told by Punk that "I'm gonna quit you, just like you should have quit drugs!"Ooh, burn.

MATCH #4

EVE TORRES (w/Cryme Tyme) VS. Natalya (w/ The Hart Dynasty)

Really? REALLY? Eve lands a moonsault from the top rope. This is the only thing of note in this match.

WINNER - EVE TORRES

Match Rating - Can I use negative numbers here?

Besides that moonsault, it was a lot of hair and a bit of screaming.

Chris Jericho is seen backstage trying to get Khali as his tag partner. Khali declines, saying basically "I'd do it, but not with you."

MATCH #5

R-TRUTH VS. CHARLIE HAAS

Truth tries to get all of his flashy evasion stuff out of the way first so that when he feigns a leg injury, Haas can look like he is just taking advantage of it. So, after three minutes of "Oh no! Leg moves!" Haasputs in a leg submission, and Truth grabs the rope. Truth powers up, lands a few attacks and ends with a hip toss for a two count. Haas counters tossing Truth to the corner. Misses a turnbuckle splash, and Truth lands a jumping axe kick to the bent down Haas. 1,2,3.

WINNER - R-TRUTH

Match Rating - 4/10

If they used something like an injury like this long term, I'd like to see a heel use it. In a one shot match, it means NOTHING.

MATCH #6

CM PUNK VS. REY MYSTERIO

Is it me, or did Rey have a much bigger and elaborate opening despite owning the LESSER title? Maybe Punk isn't into all that pomp? The first few minutes seem to be a lot of hugging, then a lot of fruitless pin attempts, and then finally the classic staredown of "Hey, I don't like you, but I don't think I should hit you while the cameras are taking photos of this standoff." Rey gets tossed into a ringpost, and then Punk goes more hugging. Punk then does some hand holding. Rey, while still in a ... (hand?) lock runs up the turnbuckle only to get pushed to the floor. The hold is clearly released as Rey falls to the floor. Punk lands a baseball slide kick into Mysterio as...

COMMERCIAL BREAK! Hey kids, do you like swimming? Do you like toast? Well, don't do both at the same time. That's dangerous.

We come back to see Punk hugging Mysterio's head some more. I think they're gonna be BFF's before too long. Punk kicks a few times, and then goes for an armlock. Rey powers out, only to get hit with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a two count. Then more hugging. *yawn* Punk works on the shoulder some more, and then goes back to arm bars. Then he does what I believe to be the Gory Stretch, but I'm not sure, and I don't feel like checking. It looks kinda neat, if not COMPLETELY impractical. Mysterio gets out, and lands a drop toe hold on Punk knocking him down. Cue the ominous music as Dolph Ziggler begins to walk down to ringside.

Meanwhile, Punk and Rey exchange kicks. Rey lands a springboard crossbody for a 2 count. Dropkick by Rey, and another 2 count. Rey knocks Punk to the second rope, but Punk gets out of the way of the 619 by body tossing Rey over the top rope. Rey lands on the apron, shoulders Punk to the gut, and springboards onto Punk's head. Ziggler gets up to the apron, and Rey knocks him down, giving Punk the distraction he needed to land a jump kick of his own. Only a 2 count. Rey and Punk fire back, but Rey gets the advantage and throws Punk back to 619 territory, but Punk turns around and headbutts Rey in the gut before hand. Punk throws Rey out of the ring, but Rey recovers with a quickness and springboards right into Punk's loving arms into a GTS position. Rey gets out with a very flashy neckbreaker. Rey lands a 619 on a dazed Punk. Rey lands a Springboard splash onto the fallen Punk. 1,2,- Interrupted by Ziggler.

WINNER - REY MYSTERIO (by DQ)

Match Rating - 4/10

Rey's flying antics are great, but are all of these hugs needed? Boring to watch, I say.

Ziggler begins his assault, but Rey recovers and knocks Ziggler down for a 619. Punk stops that with a diving forearm attack. Punk looks like he had no idea Ziggler was even there, and slowly slinks out of the ring to get his belt. Ziggler stalks Rey as he gets to his feet and lands the... *snicker* Zig Zag, on Rey. Ziggler does it again as Punk calmly watches from the sidelines as he goes up the ramp. Ziggler goes for ANOTHER ONE, as Hardy dashes by Punk to save Rey. Hardy throws Ziggler out of the ring, as Punk dashes in after Hardy. One Go To Sleep later, and Hardy is down.

SHOW RATING - 6/10

Is started off amazing. I wish it had kept that intensity, but alas, it was not to be.

While I have space... NoC Predictions?

WWE Championship Match
Orton Retains.

World Heavyweight Championship Match
Hardy wins, because his leaving WWE is likely a joke. I want to be wrong sooo bad.

United States Championship Match (Six Pack Challenge)
Money's on Swagger, Heart's on The Miz

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
Rey Mysterio Retains

ECW Championship Match
Christian Wins

WWE Women's Championship Match
McCool wins in a flurry of hair.

Divas Championship Match
Mickie James Wins

Unified Tag Team Championship Match
Chris Jericho and A Mystery Partner (c's) win as Legacy fall apart.

With that, I'm out! Leave your love after the beep!